Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain
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Jenna Jameson and Richard Grieco. I knew that one day these two would be in a movie together. Honestly though, Evil Breed is not the movie that I was thinking to bring these two cinema powerhouses together. I’ve been hearing about this movie for some time, and when it landed on my desk I was excited needless to say.

Now before I go into the synopsis of the film, and if it is worth your precious time to watch, I need to clear one thing up. Jenna Jameson and Richard Grieco are not the center of this film. Grieco has a Drew Barrymore, ala Scream, part. In other words, he has two minutes of screen time. Now we turn to Jenna Jameson. She has a total of a minute and thirty seconds worth of fact time. Her breasts have an additional 5 seconds. Why do I point this out? Well, I am sick and tired of seeing names on a cover of a film, just to show some names. If I am the actor in the center of a movie, and I take second billing to a Corey Haim cameo I would be pissed. I also needed to point this out for all the diehard Grieco-holics out there. He is not in the movie long.

Evil Breed takes place in Ireland. Legend has it that once upon a time some cannibalistic brothers and sisters ate people and had sex with each other. Their kids did the same, and so on, and so forth. The “family” was caught, but some believe that a few ran off to Ireland. Scary huh?

Well, a class trip brings some cliché student victims, a teacher and her boyfriend to the beautiful green countryside. Tourists have been known to go missing in the area, but luckily the class has the creepy caretaker to inform them of this, and to “stay on the path”. Turns out the kids do not listen (natch), and start dying off. Not that the path has anything to do with much, because most die in the house, and not off the path. Turns out one of those hick, inbred cannibals are still alive and killing.

This movie was a disappointment. What started as an unimaginative, rehash of your average 80s movie, turned in to just an unimaginative, rehash of a straight to video modern day movie. What is the difference, you ask? Well, the 80s had some horrible movies, but made up for this with inventive deaths, tons of nudity, and laughably bad dialogue. This movie really did not have enough deaths, be it inventive or not, not enough nudity……..it did have bad dialogue though.

The pacing was another issue. We get a strong beginning, weak middle with small buildup, and when the killing starts it all happens way too fast to build any tension or fun. Blink and you miss all the carnage. Hell, some deaths take place off screen, which is a no-no for this type of film.

Now I know I am being harsh with this movie, but it is really because I had high hopes for this. Everything wasn’t awful though.

The makeup effects were great, and the inbred hick looked the part. Well, I guess what any multi-generational inbred would look like in my mind. Another good point is throughout the film there are some great moments of cheese that brought a smile to your old reviewer here. I made me think that I was watching a great 80s throwback. Unfortunately though, the other moments reminded me that I wasn’t.

I only have really two more final complaints with this film. The first is that there was only one hick killer. Is that bad? Well, no. Watching the movie however up to the finale, you would think that there were more than one. I guess if you sleep with family enough, your offspring will eventually be blessed with the power of teleportation. How does a woman run from the backwoods brawler at the top of some stairs, run outside and he be there waiting for her? How can one killer be upstairs killing a man, while a woman sees the killers shadow outside the front window? Questions will never be answered.

Lastly, what the hell was with the ending? I watched it three times thinking that I missed something, and guess what? I missed nothing. It just makes no damn sense.
Again, overall I was disappointed. While there are moments, there is not enough to make this the cheesy gorefest that I was hoping it would be. If it ever pops up on TV, then check it out, but other than that Evil Breed is like any other straight to video horror movie; Jenna Jameson, or not.

Added:  Friday, November 25, 2005

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