Devil's Plaything, The
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There are many types of exploitation films. Let Rufus give you a quick learning lesson, with a few examples on this type of acquired viewing.

Nunsploitation: Consisting of freaky nuns that like to do freaky sexual things. Example: The Sinful Nuns of St. Valentine

Blaxploitation: Consisting of funky hard hitting, strong black women, or men, against the jive turkey man. Example: Cleopatra Jones

LikeChickensploitation: Consisting of cannibalism, and eating of humans. Example: Cannibal Holocaust

Boobsploitation: Consisting of a hilariously bad movie, with nothing going for it except the ridiculous amounts of pointless nudity.

Class dismissed.

This movie falls into the final category, and strangely fits the above Boobsploitation definition to a tee. This is a horrendous movie that all pre-pubescent teenagers will love, I’m sure. (For me, who hit puberty five days ago, I am sooo past it.) I sure as hell got a laugh at it though.

This is a vampire movie with such a new spin on the vampire lore. A young woman, we’ll call her Blondie, arrives at a large castle. Soon another young woman, we’ll call her Darkie, and her suit wearing blond friend, we’ll call her Dude, arrive. Darkie and Dude are there for Darkie’s aunt’s funeral. We find that there is an amazing resemblance that Darkie and her aunt share, looking at the oil painting located above the mantle piece. I never understood why Blondie was there, however.

Soon a brother and sister arrive. The sister, who we’ll call Sister, is a doctor studying the local folklore. The brother, who we’ll call….what else, Brother, is tagging along. Their car broke down, and they could use some shelter. The creepy housekeeper, who we’ll call Ugly, allows them. Now starts the movie. Blondie sleeps with Brother. They soon fall in love. Blondie then gets possessed and cannot control her sexual desires. It then turns out that Dude loves Darkie, so she gets possessed by making love to a lit penis-shaped candle. What!?! Did I just write that? Oh yes folks. Let me repeat that; A penis shaped candle. So that is the secret to a woman’s happiness? We now continue. Darkie is possessed with the soul of her aunt the Baroness. Sister then finds out about what “the help” really are. Does she leave? Not really. Would you? This is one hell of a party house!

You see, the “help” are all vampires, and the whole point of the movie is them trying to raise the Baroness’ soul. They do this by possessing Darkie, and having her have sex on some moonlit night, or something like that. Now I promised you a spin on the vampire lore. Well, these vampires really do not drink much blood. Sure, the Baroness does once or twice, but mainly just has sex. That is all they do. Majority of this movie looked like a 70s o’natural all white version of a Too Short video. (Did I lose some of you out there?) Well, let me explain. What we get are many scenes of “possession” which consist of really bad dancing (or wiggling), by some unattractive woman, spouting out some voodoo words. Did I mind? Hell no! I laughed my ass off. Oh, did I mention that Brother and Sister are incestuous. Genius!

Another trick that these vampire women possess is “The Stare”. What is “The Stare” you ask? Well, it is a stare that Ugly can do, that will hypnotize weak minded people, and turn women into gyrating, horny, sex pots with uncontrollably flaming libidos, that cannot be quenched. Where was this movie when I was in college? I have studied the film, over and over again, and I too now possess “The Stare”.

Now if you are still with me, then you may be slightly confused. Well, let me clear this all up; THIS MOVIE REALLY DOESN’T HAVE A PLOT. There are no twists and turns. Remember, this is Boobsploitation. What we get is awful acting, awful filming, awful writing, and some serious fun. Any exploitation is fun to a certain degree. It is, what it is; nothing more, and nothing less. I am warning all casual viewers out there now, that this movie is very bad. If you are offended with nudity, then you will not like this. Hell, if you are offended by this, then you should have quite reading the review long ago. To all other fans of laughably awful movies, then you will like this. I can’t rate it high, due to it being so bad, but I had an enjoyable time, and will definitely recommend a rent for either a drunken laugh riot night with some buddies, or if you are an overweight nerd with no trait of conversation skills, your normal lonely night.

Now if you will excuse me, I have my new “Stare” skill and penis shaped candle. My fiancé and I are ready to celebrate our anniversary, Devil’s Plaything style.

Added:  Tuesday, November 08, 2005

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