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195 of 404 readers found this review helpful.
I love anthologies. If you frequent the site enough, then you already know this. The beauty of the anthology is a simple game of odds. If there are 3 stories to an anthology, and at least one has to be good, then you get a movie that is 33% good. Not too shabby.
Did I lose you? Simple math here folks.
Now Cremains had 4 stories, so the odds of failing, or exceeding are increased. The stories are all bundled together by an overlying story. Does this all work together? Well, no. Let me give you the breakdown of the stories very briefly.
A woman finds out about the secrets of a small town, while accidentally taking a wrong turn.
The second story is about a killer that picks up a new victim.
The third story is a vampire piece. A woman believes that a nude vampire is visiting her at night, and goes to visit an author that may have the answers to the truth.
The fourth is about a grieving mother that, with the help of LILITH STABS, brings back her loved one with horrendous results.
Wow! I could have written the back of the DVD. That sounds great in theory. Now, let me break down the stories further.
The first story is actually the one that I liked the best. The story is not deep by any means, but it works great in the short timeframe. The direction was well done, especially given the meager budget. Even with the low budget, tension was built. My one problem was with the acting. It was all over the board. The heroine did a great job, but her father hurt my head. Until the heroine said “daddy”, I thought he was just a creepy old man. In a story with any kind of buildup, you need to be able to get a feel for the characters. Here his character was bordering loner, pedophile. So far we are looking at 25% good.
This story is mainly a conversation piece between killer and victim. While a little slow, this had a great ending. Instead of also just pimp slapping you in the face with a twist, this one slowly dropped hints, which you should be able to see where it is going. I am really surprised that no one had thought of the twist before. The irony was priceless. (If this story is not original, then I take all the praise away.) The complaints that I have are a couple. One is with the pacing. A normal reviewer would drop this into the straight boring category, but I rode it out to see a good ending. Another was the spider scenes. What are the scenes with the spider, you ask? Beats the hell out of me. While the killer is waiting in his car, the camera kept showing a spider. Was their a reason? I sure would love to know.
With the spider and pacing aside, we are at a lenient 50% good movie.
The third story is about a naked vampire. That’s really about it. Let me set the record straight for a moment. Before I go into this story let me say one thing…
I have nothing against nudity. In fact I will give a movie extra points for having it. Pointless nudity is the backbone of a horror movie. That and I guess gore, or scares.
There. Now I can start again. The third story has a lot of pointless nudity. The problem with that is, with all the nudity, and pole dancing from the vampire, there is no time to create a story. The woman is scared that a vampire is after her, goes to see an author who wrote a book on the subject, he tells her it’s a dream, the naked vampire visits, the woman becomes a vampire.
Did I just ruin this story for you, by telling you the ending? No. I saved you from watching it for the story. Now sit back, and enjoy the nudity. I got to drop this into the bad category. 25% bad.
Now remember the tie in, I mentioned? Between all these stories a mortician is being grilled about cremating 2 bodies together. This leads us to the fourth story. The FX are here, the budget is higher, the gore is here, but none of this ties into the overlying story, nor makes any sense. A woman is upset because her daughter dies. I got that. What does this have to do with what happens in the final story? Who is in the urn? Who is the person that is brought back? I know some may say that the mortician said what is in the urn. To them I say, YOU ARE WRONG . If that is the case, then they show no signs of this in the story. I was just disappointed in this.
Did I mention that there is a great nude, bath scene? I didn’t? Well, there is, and it was a doozy. Like the third story, this has been saved by the pointless nudity.
I need to mention one actress, because Bumscorner is a great fan of Lilith Stabs. Her character was just dropped off though. She plays the role of a witch, and does it quite well. Unfortunately, her role is forgotten. Not by me, but by the movie writer. Picture this scene in your head. She hears a sound, she walks downstairs…….
That’s it. No wrap up. This is the second weakest story of the bunch, even though it had the highest budget.
Over all the score is 50/50. That is not too bad for an anthology, but I wanted more clarity to all the stories. While the first 2 were good, they had their flaws, and the last 2 just failed. This would give this movie normally a 2 in my book. With the nudity though, I will plop down an additional shiny half can.
For all movie makers in the future, remember “Nudity can save a movie.”
Added: Monday, June 27, 2005
Related Link: Check out Shock-O-Rama's site
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